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HALF CENTURY IN AMERICA

I have been choosing harder ways all my life…

  • About Me
  • Contact
  • 日本語

Categories

  • Poem
    • Ballet
    • Society
    • What I Am
  • My Theory
  • My Opinion
  • Open Letter
  • Essay
  • Review
  • Eifman Ballet
  • Sylvie Guillem
  • Alessandra Ferri
  • Joan Bayley
  • James Ady
  • NYC Ballet Scandal
  • Supporting LGBTQ
  • Archive
    • 'It's me!' – Self-publishing 1988
      • – About Me
      • 1. Poems Written in Japan 1963-1965
      • 2. Poems Written as a Fresh off the Boat 1966-1970
      • 3. Poems presented to Dr. Schneider 1970-1979
      • 4. Poems Written during a Transitional Stage and after my "Schneider" Stage 1975-1987
      • 5. TANKA (Poems in 31 Japanese syllables) 1965-1987
      • 6. Words for Songs 1966-1968

Tags

  • American Life
  • ballet
  • Homosexuaality
  • Love
  • My Philosophy
  • My value

Open Letter

  • Letter from Mr. Boris Eifman – October 24, 2022
  • Letter to Mr. Boris Eifman – October 20, 2022
  • Letter to Mr. Boris Eifman – September 6, 2021
  • Letter to Mr. Boris Eifman – March 5, 2020
  • Letter to Ms. Sylvie Guillem – November 11, 2015
  • Letter to Ms. Ferri – November 18, 2014
  • Letter to Ms. Ferri – December 15, 2013
  • Letter to Mr. James Ady – March 18, 2013
  • Letter to Mr. James Ady – July 13, 2012
  • Letter to Westside School of Ballet – June 14, 2006
  • Letter to Ms. Sylvie Guillem – January 15, 2005
  • Letter to Ms. Monica Mason – January 15, 2005
  • Open Letter to Mr. President Obama
  • Letter to Mr. Boris Eifman – June 12, 2015
  • My Stance on Homosexuality & Support to maintain a wholesome personality

Letter from Mr. Boris Eifman – October 24, 2022

From: German Gureev, Герман Гуреев
Subject: Re: My adoration and trust to Mr. Boris Eifman and his art is solid forever.
Date: October 24, 2022 at 4:32:11 AM PDT
To: Toshiko Honda

Dear Toshiko,
thanks for your kind email. We share your anxiety about the current situation and are deeply missing our friends and our audiences in the West. However, we hope that it won’t be so long until we can reunite again to celebrate the eternal value of the ballet art.

Here’s what Mr Eifman wrote to your as an answer:

“Dear Toshiko,
thank you for your sincere and moving letter.
Despite the growing feeling of dismay in many hearts, I believe that everything will change for the good.
The whole history teaches us this and instills hope.
We hold out hope that our company is yet going to come to the great cultural centres of America, Europe and Asia not once.
The mission of the ballet art figures is about bringing beauty and incomparable emotions to people. And we are destined to aspire to this mission in dignity in any conditions and situations.
I sincerely appreciate your love and attention which you treat our company with. We sent the most heartfelt wishes of prosperity, harmony and sound health.
We’ll surely meet again!

Always yours,

Boris Eifman and the company of Eifman Ballet of St Petersburg”

 Kind regards,
 German Gureev
 Touring and external affairs
 Eifman Ballet of St. Petersburg 

—
Check out the news of St. Petersburg Eifman Ballet on the web:
www.eifmanballet.com

http://vk.com/public175940
https://t.me/eifmanballet
Link to Eifman Ballet Promo Kit

Letter to Mr. Boris Eifman – October 20, 2022

Dear Mr. Eifman and German,
I have to face and accept the reality that I will never see you and the Eifman Ballet performances before I die.
For decades, Eifman Ballet would not visit the USA or Europe.
What can I do to promote your art, the most advanced ballet expression, to explore and express the inner world of human psychology through body movements of highly disciplined techniques?
Fortunately, I took a few videos of your rehearsal stages, which show how you are involved with dancers shouting the rhythm counts, to which dancers were to be exact. I may distribute the copy of videos to the prominent ballet companies here. I want to distribute the USB copies of your performances, Anna Karenina, Onegin, Tchaikovsky, and Karamazov, hoping that your art may influence someone.
Meantime, you may be able to put them on social media or your website. Pygmalion, too.
We have to accept the reality of the ice age of ballet art. Yet, maybe something we can do.
Love and adoration forever,
Toshiko Honda

Letter to Mr. Boris Eifman – September 6, 2021

September 6, 2021

Dear Mr. Eifman and German,

It is so nice to hear that you had a very successful Eifman Anniversary Performances. I wish I can see them on Youtube, your website, or you can send them to me by email.

Meantime, I am very much saddened to hear the very grave political discord between the US and Russia. And we are at the mercy of both authorities.

What can we do?

Nothing but my fascination with Eifman Ballet urged me to donate money to produce a video version of one of your choreographies.

However, in the meantime, I was aware of my underlying motive; if this event will lead to or at least promote the better friendship of both countries. I, powerless, worthless, an individual, can help get both countries amicable each other. Why not we all love and adore arts born in Russia. Name it, ballet, music, and literature.

Can you hurry up to finish the editing of Pigmarion and put it on Youtube, your website. It will promote your choreography, the most sort-after ultimate art, and friendship beyond the political discords.

I am 82 years old now. I am fine. But I want to see it before I perish.

Adoration and Love, 

Toshiko Honda

Letter to Mr. Boris Eifman – March 5, 2020

March 5, 2020

Dear Mr. Eifman,

I heard from German that you had an operation on your hip, and now you will have rehabilitation. He informed me that you are in good spirits. I am optimistic that you will be fine very soon. I pray for your quick recovery. 

I understand that German does a very good translation of my letter. Still, I asked my new friend, Lana, whom I met at Mikhailovsky Theater, to translate my letter into Russian because I want to express myself in your language and to be understood by you better.

My primary purpose for visiting for the shooting was to observe how you, Mr. Eifman, would create your dance out of your dancers. I anticipated and prepared to find that you are very strict and precise to reach your satisfaction. But, I witnessed the reality, which was much more stringent than I expected. When you had them repeated one scene more than ten times, the fear, “again this time is also going to be rejected.”, overwhelmed my head; I hardly concentrate on viewing the stage. When you rejected it again, I was so depressed. But all the dancers were taking the repetitions, as a matter of fact. They challenged each time with fresh energy. During a brief break, Lyubov started to wipe off her tears with her hand as if she was wiping off her sweat. The dancer nearby went out of the stage, returned with the tissue, and handed it to her. She wiped off her tears with it as if she wiped off her sweat. I admired their strong mentality more than their superb physical abilities. When I encountered Oleg Gabyshev around the massage table, I asked him, “How can the dancers establish such a strong mentality?”, he answered, “Meditation” with a smile. He was about to undress for getting a massage, and I had to leave. I pondered what he meant. He could have meant that he disciplines his mind, clearing by practicing meditation. Or, he could have meant that he totally concentrated on dancing at the given time. It could be both.

I have reviewed 13 shots I took there. You participate with dancers by your voice, call out, and punctuate each movement’s exact rhythm. By following your voice, or rather submitting their mind and movement to your command, they seemed to attain the miraculous embodiment of your world, Eifman Ballet. I recall that I have read one of the articles interviewing you, being asked something like this, “How do you train your dancers to master your choreography?”; you answered, “I infect them.” I did not grasp what you meant. While I was immersed in the process of shooting the “Pygmalion,” repetition over repetition on one scene, both dancers and you, totally involving each other as a unity, I understood your words, “I infest them.” You breathe life into the dancers. Your dancers are willing to submit themselves to your commands to realize the Eifman Ballet paradigm. An essential component underlining this human bondage is LOVE, in a broad term. Eifman’s love and passion for creating his world, choreography, and dancers’ trust and love for his creativity and love to participate in his creation and submit themselves to become Pygmalions. 

As I mentioned in my previous letter, shooting videos with your commanding voices is very valuable for your followers. I hope that videos of rehearsing or shooting with your voice and expression will be preserved for your followers of the current and future.

If it is not too late and possible, I would like to get a copy of the last 3 shootings of Oleg Gabyshev’s solo with a chair. My camera was full, and I could not capture them.

Thank you for posing with me to be taken pictures. At that time, I followed the pose you initiated. Now, looking at the pictures, I feel that you considered me as a partner for the “Pygmalion” video project. I feel very much honored. Enclosed is one of the pictures.

I am planning to go to New York in June to see “Russian Hamlet.” I hope that you will recover by the time of then. I hope to see you there.

Love,

Toshiko

Letter to Ms. Sylvie Guillem – November 11, 2015

November 11, 2015

Dear Ms. Sylvie Guillem,

Thank you very much for your existence. It was the beginning of 1999; I happened to watch the documentary about you filmed in 1994 in London. The way you talk, the content of what you were saying, above all, transparent eyes which I could see through a mile away, dawned on me to proclaim, “Here is at least one REAL person existing!” I realized that I had been missing something significant, seeing such a real person. Immediately I started to downsize my real estate business and start chasing your performances. The very first performance of yours, Manon, I saw in Tokyo in April 1999. 
While watching a stage, I found myself blinded by tears and unable to see the stage. More than several times, I had to talk to myself, “Sober up. I had spent so much money and time to come all the way here. I should not miss precious moments.” I understood every word you had said in the video. In the beginning, I was curious to know from whom you had learned your way of thinking, values. But soon, I realized that you must have learned them by yourself. Being so gifted and genius, you must have felt lonesome because you didn’t find a person like you around. To protect yourself and survive, you had bound to learn to rely on yourself.
To be able to rely on you, you developed your values and internalized them into your system. 
For instance, you have the value, “working hard is important.” You know it, believe it, and do it. It will be internalized like a second drive. You would feel pleasurable working hard. So, doing as you feel like is OK. You said, “On stage, I am free. I can be anything I feel like.” Now you are about to step out of the stage. 
I am sure that you have been learning to feel “free even off the stage.” 

I am just an ordinary person. But I had the mentor to learn to be a real person. I can boast, “I do and say anything as I feel. Yet I am OK. 
I am very spontaneous.” I found “trinity” in three aspects of myself. 
The more I incorporate good values(to me, subjective), the freer to act out as I feel, the freer to act out, the more my self-esteem(ego)expands. For instance, your word, “If you are afraid of loosing something, your self (self-esteem) diminishes.” In human relations, I protest the unfair demand by taking the risk of cutting the connection. Either I lose the connection or force the other party to withdraw the demand, my ego expands. 
The underlining value is to respect truth, the real thing, fairness, authenticity, objective absoluteness. I have to be governed by my absolute truth, which cannot escape SUBJECTIVE absolute truth. Maturity means that my subjective truth gets closer and closer to objective truth infinitely.

You said, “I don’t live for others. I want to live for mine.”
To survive in the given society, we have to be approved by others more or less. 
However, if I live to be approved by me, I can become a better person rather than approved by others because I cannot deceive myself. To be approved by me, I am bound to be a better person.

You said, “I don’t do anything I don’t feel like doing.”
In my value system, I don’t have a prohibition, “Thu shall not……….” Instead, I have internalized values to feel, “I like not doing……..such as killing or stealing for instance.” So just following my feelings, as I feel, is OK, no problem.

You made a statement on the program of one of the performances in Japan, “We dance using our mind, soul, heart, mentality, body, whole heartedly. We believe that this is the way we should perform.” You gave us the audience yourself ultimately. That was why your performances are stunning.

You said, “Essence of everything is nothing. Everything is nothing.”
Sure. You explore into yourself and get in touch with every possible part of your body, mind, mentality, and soul, and you become “transparent” like your eyes. That is the state of nothingness, from where your maximum power would emerge in your performance. When you finish your performance using your whole energy of yours, you will experience “Nothingness,” satisfaction.

You said, “I hate manipulation, being manipulated.”
Sure. Being so clean in your mind, absence of suppressed, distorted feelings, you can detect the distortion of others. Like you can see well in clear air.
You would resent being used.

It is not easy to be a real person and to maintain it. Because it is not easy, very difficult, but it is very important. I only know you and Alessandra Ferri. There should be more, but I don’t encounter.
I am lonesome. 
One has to overcome loneliness. But in the long run, it is very rewarding. Being a real person, practicing being a real person, we are not only mentally healthy but also physically healthy. Look at yourself. Look at Alessandra Ferri. Look at me, Toshiko Honda, 76 years old.

Thank you again for your existence.

Toshiko Honda

Letter to Ms. Ferri – November 18, 2014

November 18, 2014

Re: Article I wrote

Dear Ms. Ferri,

Last year on December 29, I enjoyed seeing two performances of yours, Cheri, at the Signature Theater. My name is Toshiko Honda. You kindly let me ask one question, to which you gave me a great answer. Long after that, I realized that I should have offered monetary compensation to you for requesting to interview you. Please forgive me for not being familiar with the proper manner.

Enclosed is the article I wrote which I intend to put on my web site. I meant to be sincere and try to help younger generations. 

By quoting your own words as much as possible, I tried to portray you as a real person.

I want to make sure that you approve any part of my writing before putting it on my web. 

If you have any objections or suggestions, please let me know as soon as possible.

I will wait until December 15 to get your response. 

The weather is getting cold. I hope you and your daughters have a lovely holiday.

Very truly,

Toshiko Honda

Letter to Ms. Ferri – December 15, 2013

December 15, 2013

Ms. Alessandra Ferri
The Pershing Square Signature Center
480 W. 42nd St.
New York, NY 10036

Responding to the article featuring your coming back onstage on the New York Times, December 8, 2013

I am so happy to learn that you have been and are active in your artistic activities. 

I have searched your name at Google a few times to see if you are dancing somewhere in the world. I missed your performance of being real yourself, not “doing job.” In this busiest season, I tried hard to get a flight ticket, hotel and will go to NY to see your performance again on the 29th, Matinee, 2:00 p. m.
When you had the performance, “Manon.” I was there. I was in the middle of the real estate deal. But I managed to get out of Los Angeles in 3 days to see your final performance. I noticed that Monsieur GM was a poor actor. When he stuck out his hand with the necklace in front of you ( while he was supposed to put it around your neck amicably), I realized that he was intentionally trying to startle you to spoil your final performance. Our Alessandra was not dumb. Instantly you improvised to grub the necklace and slipped into your breast.  

You jumped on the bed and sat as the scenario. 
Then, in the center of the stage, Lescaut was about to demand money from GM. A moment before that center action, you sprung up from the bed and ran to the maid who was at the back of the stage. Lescaut and GM were startled and looked back to see your unexpected movement (What happened?), as all audience followed their gaze to see your action. You had the maid put on the necklace before being helped to wear the fur coat. Forgetting, having lost timing, GM handed the bag of money to Lescaut without getting the audience’s attention. 
You revenged GM by justifiable ad-lib. (Well, you did not put the necklace as the scenario, I had the maid put it on me before she put the coat on me.) That GM was played by the associate artistic director, Victor Barbee. I don’t know what happened between you and him. 

No matter what had happened, he should not have laid it on the stage to spoil the performance and enjoyment of the audience, who came from far away, sacrificing all other alternatives. I was so disappointed with the immatureness of the cast played by an associate artistic director, and I was disillusioned with American Ballet. At the exact timing, Royal Ballet was putting a performance, same Manon in D.C. Washington. GM was played by William Tackett, who would portray a not–quite-old dirty old man so well (I saw him at Royal Ballet. After the very seductive pas de trois, he would stand with his eyes closed, facing a little upward, showing so intoxicating with fragrance came from Manon’s between legs.
Since then, I have not gone to New York.

Who am I?

I am 74 years old retiree who enjoys ballet class 5 days a week. I have a very modest scholarship foundation for boys for ballet class since 2007.   http://sites.google.com/site/petitoasisfoundation

I noticed that some boys have excellent technique and physical attribution yet lack self-expression, feelings due to self-consciousness, inhibition of emotion.  
It may be nature and or a combination of upbringing. If possible, I would like to offer some help to them. I have been subscribing to Japanese Dance Magazine. I read an article that Roberto Bolle was very thankful to you for helping him develop, get in touch with, and express. I wonder how you could develop real-self in you. You boast that “What you are seeing is not fictitious Juliet. It’s me, real me is there.” Indeed, you are enacting Juliet, for instance, real. 
I would not expect that you do that only on stage. I understand that you have a cluster of values to respect truth, real feelings and act out your values. You regulate yourself to be approved by you, not by to be approved by others. That’s the core of your confidence to be able to open up yourself. I want to ask you how you got that values, theory, or conviction. At least, who you think has given you influence. If I could interview, I would be delighted. If not, maybe you would create your website and share your cherished values with your admirers.

Currently, technical proficiency is much more highly valued in the ballet world over the projection of own true personality into the roles. In Russia, after Galina Yulanoba, Ekaterina Maximova, and Vladimir Vasiliev, no one seems to have a personality on stage except Boris Eifman Ballet. After you leave, Sylvie Guillem, Nicolas Le Riche may retire soon. I do not expect many followers except Lauren Cuthbertson of Royal Ballet.
It is so important to provide some clues and help the following generation to open up self like you.

I will be staying at Holiday Inn at 343 W.39th St. from 28th -31st. I will see your performance at the 29th Matinee. 
I will bring a flower. If you could create time to talk with me, that would be great. If not, some other time.

I am looking forward to seeing you on stage again.

Toshiko Honda   

Letter to Mr. James Ady – March 18, 2013

March 18, 2013

Re: My proposal to commission you to choreograph for yourself to dance

Dear James,

I miss you very much.  It has been almost one year since I spotted you at Nader’s class.  Time flies as quick as dancers’ life would fly.

I would like to propose to commission you to choreograph for yourself to dance.  I would like to be provided the performance in the form of DVD.   If you allow me, I would like to share the copies of the DVD with some of promising participants for the audition of Petit Oasis Foundation.  I will pay all the cost including the compensation to you.

The theme is something like; “James Ady, Now”, “Now or Never” and “It’s Me!”.

You would name the title.

I prefer the solo, but you feel like adding a partner (male or female), that will be fine.

From music, lighting, stage, costumes, shooting and others must be chosen by you.

This, I hope, would give you a new perspective in you and your dancing.  When you were dancing in the ballet companies, they decided what role you would dance and directed you what and how should be interpreted and expressed.  Within that frame, you could express yourself.  Now it would be a good chance to prove in yourself; “Who am I?”, “What I want?”, “What I want to express”, “Get in touch with your inner world, urge, cry, shout, etc.”.   I will accept you as you are unconditionally.

I accept and support you what path you choose.  I think you are wise to secure your secure income source.  I am sure that my proposal can be realized while you are being competent with your current position with the Hotel.

Time is essence.  My infatuation would last as long as your dancing life last.

Please consider my proposal.  Let me know how you feel.  If you accept my proposal,

please prepare the approximate itemized estimate and send it to me or we can meet and discuss.

You can be assured that the above proposal is genuine and no string is attached as exemplified by the history of previous numerous generous conducts.  If you prefer you bring your friend, your partner or your girlfriend when we discuss the proposal.

Whenever I do some generous offer to one person, almost always I get a sort of pressure, “Why not Me.” from others.  I am OK.  I get used to it.  However, I don’t want to cause you any trouble.  You may have more opportunities in Westside Ballet and others.  Wise.  Do not tell about this proposal to anyone who might potentially spread it. 

I will go to Japan on the 4th of April.  I will be back on the 14th accompanying my brother and his wife.  I will be attending them until 25th of April, they will depart.

Whatever your response is welcome as long as your decision will promote your satisfaction.

Affectionately,

Tosh Honda                            

Letter to Mr. James Ady – July 13, 2012

Dear James,

Once in a while, I am inspired to create poems.  I cannot intend to create them. I adore many famous male and female dancers.  I have gone to Europe, New York and Japan just to see their performances.  That does not mean that I had been inspired to write poems to them.  No.  It just comes out like catching cold. 

Anyway, I am thankful to have this urge to write poem again.  I visited Pennsylvania Ballet Web and you-tube.  I did not succeed to see your dancing. Please let me know if I can view you dancing in DVD or live in the future. 

I hope that your injury will be cured and get on the stage again. 

Very sincerely, 

July 13, 2012 

Letter to Westside School of Ballet – June 14, 2006

June 14, 2006

Instructors & Piano-players
Westside School of Ballet
1709 Stewart St.
Santa Monica, CA 
90404

Dear

Recently in the middle of a class, emerged in my mind the notion following:

Ballet can be defined, at least technical part of it, as defiance to the gravity. Ultimate triumph over gravity is manifested in high jumps and fast turns. Life seems to be alike; it starts with resisting gravity. After reaching the peak of achievement and conquering gravity, we gradually begin yielding to it until we completely surrender.

Personally, while I am aware of my tendency to yield to gravity, I still enjoy defiant attempts to resist gravity, namely enjoying Ballet class! 

Thank you very much for your contribution to the wonderful Ballet class. Enclosed is my humble expression of my appreciation. Would you please share the joy of Ballet with me?

Very truly,

Toshiko Honda

Letter to Ms. Sylvie Guillem – January 15, 2005

January 15, 2005

Sylvie Guillem
Royal Opera House
P.O. Box 6, Covent Garden
London WC2E 7QA

Re: Suggestion on “A Month in the Country”

Dear Sylvie,

Enclosed, please find the copy of my letter addressed to Ms. Mason. I am afraid that the original choreography can not be changed. 
However, if you agree with my suggestions, I am confident that you would reflect them on your dancing.

In early 1999, I happened to watch you on T.V., the excerpt of Sylvie Guillem 1993. That was the very first time I knew your existence. I exclaimed, “There is one real-person existing in this world!” The way you talked, the very transparent expression on your face, especially your eyes. 
I found someone who has the same values as mine. Since then, I have started chasing your performances. I saw your Manon in Japan in 1999, 2003 in London; I will see it again on 2/25/05 in London. Pas de Deux in the Swamp is very difficult. Because the movements are limited and not a pretty scene, it tends to be boring.
But, you enact desperation so realistic, powerful. The pas de Deux of the crypt in Romeo & Juliet is also difficult. 
Because Juliet has to dance as a dead body; the movements are limited and boring. But, you are the only one so far who can dance it very exciting. Three times, Jonathan pulls your hands to throw your body over his shoulders. You covertly kick the floor by right foot to gain momentum, and a split second, your upper body is above Jonathan’s head, with your hands extended high. Then your upper body with your hands collapsed on his shoulders. That was very brief as if as an illusion, yet gave a beautiful moment to the audience yet subtle enough that the audience would not feel unnatural movement for the dead body. No other dancer can do such delicate elaborate extra movements. They do as choreographed; being pulled their hand by the partner, they dive over his shoulder. That was instructed and the best they could do. For the audience, it is a boring dead body. You add an extra subtle trick to make the boring to the exiting.
I wanted to see your “In the Middle” so badly. I purchased tickets for all 6 performances in 2002, hoping you would dance, but in vain. (casting was not available when tickets were on sale).

Almost always, I respect your artistry and sincerity in your performances. Many times I was moved to tears. But, I did not like Carmen by E.K., your Giselle, and recent Broken Fall.  

I want to share with you the poems I wrote in 1970.

MY INNER WORLD

I have my own world.
Within it, 
   I am a God
   I am a creator.
   I am a sovereign.
   I am always right.
   Because when I find I am wrong, I will correct myself
My inner world does not cut off the outer world,
   Nor reject it.
Instead, within the outer world,
   Through the outer world,
My inner world exalts and expands,
While it is independent of it.     
THE WAY OF LIVING

When the consequence of a chosen alternative turns out to be unfavorable,
One regrets, "I should have chosen the other alternative."
Even if one had chosen the other, 
the consequence of which might not have been so favorable.
It might have been just as bad.
If so,
There is no better way than to make the best choice at each moment,
      in the given circumstance.
There is no better way than to keep discipline oneself
      To be able to make the best choice at the time.
Best? From what criteria?
Of course, Subjectivity.

Dedicated to Sylvie Guillem in 1970

Toshiko Honda

Letter to Ms. Monica Mason – January 15, 2005

January 15, 2005

Monica Mason
Director of The Royal Ballet
Royal Opera House
P.O. Box 6, Covent Garden
London WC2E 7QA

Re: Suggestions on “A Month in the Country”

Dear Ms. Mason,

I am one of the friends of covent garden.  Annually I visit London a couple times just to see favorite dancers in favorite performances all the way from Los Angeles.

In 2001, I saw “A Month in the Country” with Sylvie Guillem & Jonathan Cope.  While it could be more interesting ballet, I felt that was boring.

Followings are my suggestions to make it more interesting:

Natalia is supposed to be attractive lady.  That is the essential core from which this drama develops.  However, audience was only informed so by lengthy talking gestures of Natilia & adoring Rakitin which is very boring.  Audience must be convinced how Natalie is charming and attractive by her dancing ( solo, pas de deux, or pas de troir, or combination).  She should be portrayed as a graceful, beautiful lady with intellectual and air of melancholy, which comes from loveless marriage, which attract two young men.  Then it is convincing audience no wonder why the young tutor fell in love with her. 

From the beginning to the end, Natalie was portrayed as the lady who deny her feeling of love to Beliaev, the young tutor.  Especially the last pas de deux, choreography dictates Natalie to suppress her loving feeling as if she is suppressing filthy feeling.  Probably Ashton was faithful to the Original Play and his interpretation was suitable for that era, 1850.  However, in this contemporary era, it is boring, far from being attractive.

It is suggested to portray Natalie as a woman who accepts herself as she is.  She accepts all feelings of her own.  She is aware of her tender feeling to the youngman, while she is aware of all other values, such as she should be faithful to her husband, she cannot give up her luxurious life, she should not threaten her security, she cannot separate from her son.   

There should be a moments of acknowledging feelings of each other.  That could be expressed by, for a example, looking into each other’s eyes while dancing.

While being aware of her feeling to a youngman, without denying it, Natalie opts not to unleash her loving feeling.  It is her choice not to unleash her love.

It is much harder not to unleash her feeling while she is aware of her love toward the young tutor.  She would cry for her own choice.  But that was her own choice.  It is NOT because it is bad to love a youngman as a married woman.

It was not because she deny her loving feeling for the fear of loosing herself. 

I hope my suggestions would be reflected on coming June’s performances.

Very truly

Toshiko Honda

cc: Sylvie Guillem

Open Letter to Mr. President Obama

Mr. President Obama

PROLOGUE

Once you mentioned that it is the inevitable course that one country after another will seek to become a democratic free society and become so. As the forerunner of democratic countries, can we say, “Come on, follow us. We are a good model. Be good as we are.” No. We cannot say so. We have a serious problem. We must recall the words of Mr. John Stewart Mill, who was an advocate of Utilitarianism, the predecessor of Democracy. In his book “Liberty,” he apprehended that freedom in democracy would not rule out the freedom to be greedy and vicious. He declared that Democracy could only work among the people who possess the ethics of Christianity. At that time, he could never have foreseen the present era, where Christianity no longer has the authority to cultivate ethics into people in democratic countries. Within the paradigm of Christianity or any religion, by believing and obeying the words of God, one was promised to go to heaven, and if not, go to hell. If one believes, it was not difficult to obey the words of God and be ethical. Some conscientious devotees generated the secondary drives in practicing ethical conducts. That is, they felt pleasure in exercising ethical behaviors. Today, people are not sure if they will go to heaven by obeying disciplines, or go to hell by disobeying the teachings of Christianity. Partly due to the advancement of science, the authority of Christianity, as well as overall that of other religions, has gradually diminished. These days, money has taken over that position of authority. To gain money is the prime value prevailing in most of the so-called advanced countries, especially in this country, USA. To gain money, people tend to choose any means, even unethical ones. Among countries subscribing to “Democracy”, the biggest lamentation is losing ethics, good values, which prevailed in old times. This is also the very justification of the extremists in some religions for violent attacks on the free countries; “Look, without rigid restriction and order, people become immoral.” Obviously I am not advocating to enforce Christianity or any other religion to restore ethical values. In democracy, we all know, that government and religion must be separate. All I am emphasizing is that we need ethics to operate a sound Democracy. That is to realize the words of John Stewart Mill, “ THE GREATEST HAPPINESS instead of THE GREATER THE NUMBER( OR POWER AND OR MONEY), THE GREATER THE HAPPINESS.” Even the minority (lesser number and/or lesser power) should be entitled to happiness as well as the majority and/or more power. Let me quote from “Utilitarianism, Liberty, and Representative Government” by John Stuart Mill(P.6): “I must again repeat, what the assailants of utilitarianism seldom have the justice to acknowledge, that the happiness which forms the utilitarian standard of what is right in conduct, is not the agent’s own happiness, but, that of all concerned. As between his own happiness and that of others, utilitarianism requires him to be as strictly impartial as a disinterested and benevolent spectator. In the golden rule of Jesus of Nazareth, we read the complete spirit of the ethics of utility. To do as you would be done by, and to love your neighbor as yourself, constitute the ideal perfection of utilitarian morality.” If we are no longer able to rely on Christian authority to cultivate ethics, we must create a new paradigm to motivate people to be ethical for our own well-being.

We must face the peril that the very base for operating Democracy is diminished and crumbling. It is no longer the authority of Christianity to cultivate ethics in general citizens, society, while Democracy only works among people who are equipped with ethics.

Alas, we not only lost, if not completely, the authority of Christianity to enforce ethics and morals, but we’ve gotten all kinds of authorities which encourage and give good models to be UNETHICAL, DISHONEST and CHEATING. Look around current authorities surrounding us which are simply operating to gain profit by any possible means including unethical means.

The worst #1 example of this is insurance industry including health insurances:

I am enrolled in State Farm Insurance. On the back of the auto insurance card, it reads, “Don’t admit fault.” They instruct their insureds to be dishonest. For instance, when I hit the other car and made a scratch. The other party was a very well mannered gentleman, who identified himself as a lawyer. My insurance then was Farmers Insurance. After I received the subsequent higher premium, I called them and found out that the other party had claimed for medical expenses over ten thousands which they paid for the scratch damage. Insurance companies are very generous to give money to the other party who claim for obviously false doctor’s bills. Because it is cheaper to pay than to bring the other party to court. If I bring my car damaged to the body shop and tell them the insurance will pay, they will raise their estimate higher. Some body shop refuse to give an estimate unless I tell them the name of the insurance company saying,”We have to report to the insurance company.” I used the bodyshop subsidized by Lexus when my Lexus was hit by the other party and got substantially damaged. Though I did not pay a penny to the damage, I requested the bodyshop to give me a copy of charges to the insurance of the other party. I wanted to know how dishonest they would be. Out of the 3 pages itemized bill, I found several items the clerk could not explain. The other clerk came out to explain, he could not explain four items what the charges were. One of which was payable to the claim agent of the paying company, E-insurance. The bodyshop issued the check to the claim agent of E-insurance which was paying the damage. It appeared that the bodyshop kicked back to the insurance company who was paying the bill. Normally nobody check how honestly the bodyshop charges: Since “his insurance company is paying,” the insured would not check how much his insurance paid for the damage of other party’s car. Since the insurance company of the other party is paying,
the owner of the damaged car would not check how much the bodyshop charged.
The insurance company gives a very generous estimate and check, and tell us, “You can go to any body shop you like.” The body shop must know the name of the insurance company, telling me that they have to report to the insurance company. They raise the estimate. Then the body shop gives kick back to the insurance company. This practice seems to be commonly conducted among bodyshops and insurance companies. The insurance companies don’t mind to pay higher for the damage. They can not only get kick back from bodyshops but always raise the premium to recover the cost of insuring.

There are many people who make false claims on traveler’s insurance and property insurance, name it. Insurance companies are not interested in proving whether the claim is authentic or not. For even obviously false claims, they pay. Simply because it is cheaper to pay for the claims than spending legal fees except in the case of large scale fraudulence. Thus the insurance industry authority encourages people to be dishonest and to cheat. To recover the cost for paying false claims, insurance companies raise the premium. The honest insured never gets even and must suffer a higher premium.

Let’s talk about medical insurance. Hospitals and doctors in general charge unreasonably high fees because “ insurances will pay anyway.” Patients also go to doctors more than necessary because “Since insurance will pay anyway,I may as well go to a doctor to be paid off for premium.” To minimize this vicious cycle, the insured should pay the highest deductible,which he can afford, with the minimum premium. Then they can be motivated not to get sick and/or get injured.

In this era, we must develop a strong ego to be able to resist and go against the prevailing authorities in order to be ethical.

How people be encouraged to be ethical? One way is to create laws and enforce punishment for unethical conduct. But that is not enough. People always find the loopholes and/or they can be ethical as long as others are looking. Any TRULLY religious person would agree that when he is communicating with his God, he is doing so through his mind, not through someone else’s mind. We can utilize the same mechanism to cultivate ethic, if we cannot any longer rely on the Christianity paradigm to do so. One can regulate his own life to be accepted by himself if not by God. Being watched by God, being approved by God, is 24 hour/7 day works, no break. Same mechanism can be utilized. Just as much as being accepted by God, being accepted by oneself is constant and lifelong discipline, because you can not cheat or lie to oneself just as much as you cannot cheat or lie to your God.

In this era, we need to cultivate our ability to make our own decisions more than any time before. Flooded with soliciting commercials and advertisements, we may be trapped or deceived and/or to be lost. Banks solicit customers for fraudulent investments and loans.

Some doctors recommend some medications and/or surgeries which are not necessary or even dangerous. “Drink plenty water to prevent dehydration.” This statement can be heard as the matter of fact from medical doctors as well as from weather forecasters. We must recall the old proverb: “You can pull the horse to the barrel of water. But you cannot force the horse to drink the water.” Human beings are also animals. Why are we not let alone to drink water when we feel thirsty. If some of us are failing to sense thirstiness, we have to help them to restore the healthy pleasure principle. Why we human beings are deprived of regulating our behaviors in accordance with the pleasure principle. Basically, WITH SOME  EXCEPTIONS, obesity is the result of failing function of the pleasure principle, unable to sense genuine hunger and overeating urged by a false feeling of hunger triggered by anxiety, frustration, anger, sadness, etc. Moreover, if the body took too much food to maintain the wellbeing of the body, it should react to flush out excess food by vomiting, defecation, or diarrhea, but that function is also failing. If any remedy for obesity is to restore the healthy pleasure principle, to feel pain to overtake food to the extent to harm oneself, self defeating behavior. We need the education to restore the sound pleasure principle, to be able to feel pleasure for contributing to our wellbeing, and to feel pain for inflicting harm to ourselves.

Mr. President Obama, once you lamented the racial profile when the black girl without any arm was shot when she was asking for help. You mentioned that you also had an experience hearing the clicking sound of locking from a stopped car when you were crossing the pedestrian walkway. You may have felt unpleasant, but I am sure that it did not affect your self-esteem. Because you know yourself and differentiate yourself from other’s projection, a stereotype. But there are many youngsters who cannot resist the suggestive expectation of others, stereotype, and become bad as being expected. It’s called “self fulfilling prophecy.” We must be able to offer education to all in order to be able to fend off the stereotypes, to cultivate higher self-esteem, which is basically nurtured by parents, and/or which used to be nurtured by Christianity, or other religions. We need the alternative to nurture self-esteem, self-love, based on which, we get mature to be competent members of the society. Following is my theory to meet all of above needs: “THE THEORY OF HUMAN REALIZATION by restoring sound pleasure principle” I hope that it will enlighten some and/or at least evoke controversy.

Letter to Mr. Boris Eifman – June 12, 2015

June 12, 2015

Dear Mr. Boris Eifman,

I am an enthusiastic admirer of you and your ballet company.

Ever since I saw your performance, I always buy tickets to see 3 consecutive performances, overnighting at the hotel for several years. This time I have seen 2 versions, “Up and Down,” and “Rodan”, 3 performances, at the Music Center. You have an unshakable principle, pursuing the true human natures. Basing on what you believe and what you feel, you create choreography. Your dancers share your belief and values and submit themselves to your passion, choreography. In the most respecting sense, TO ME, you and your ballet company are like the integrated religious group’s paradigm, “Knowing what is important, believing it, and doing it.” I like Anna Karenina. The climax, the suicide of Anna jumping onto the train, is orchestrated by the dancing of the male corps de ballet symbolizing the dashing train. Impressive creativity. Maria Abashova was extremely beautiful in every aspect.

I like Onegin. Onegin, showing his back to the audience, extending his right hand from the back of Lensky, and pulls the hand of Olga, who was embraced by Lensky, into his embrace. 

That choreography showed the sly personality of Onegin far more effectively visible than that of Clanko, mere repetition of snatching Olga for dancing. 

I like Hamlet. Maria Abashova was so powerfully beautiful as the empress. Clothes were used as a prop so effectively. I feel Maria Abashova is the most excellent dancer. Last year, she did not come. I was so disappointed. I could see her in both performances this time, and I hope to see her in “Rodan.” Other dancers are competitively excellent in their way.

Oleg Gabyshev completely pulls me into his acting, real. 

Lyubov Andreyeva is a competitively great actress dancer. Oleg Markov takes the role of shade-side to give an excellent contract to light-side counterpart, as always I have seen him. All dancers have souls which are visible.              

Would you please let us buy a DVD of some of your repertories, if not all, in the USA at a reasonable price? I purchased “Anna Karenina” on the internet paying $80.00. It was sent from Russia. 

If the price is more comparable to other ballet DVDs, more people can afford them. I believe that your DVDs are indispensable to enlighten people to be aware that “It is important to express feelings and emotions to be the real person, whole person.”  

I wish you would consider the following as your future challenge choreographies:

“Samson & Delila” with Maria Abashova 

I imagine how you would evolve eroticism into sensual sublimation.

“Emancipation”

PLOT: 
The process of a gay male dancer (or any artist, musician, actor) to be an open gay. The dancer, who has excellent techniques but cannot express emotion, feeling, is not a good actor, gradually breaks through the shell and gets the courage to be an open gay. He finally can greet the audience with his lover, partner, hand in hand.  

The ballet mistress, who was initially in love with this young man while being his mentor keeps her love in different stages. The process of her psychological development; Initially, sweet affection as a mentor tangle with her feeling of loving him as a man, disappointment to find him as gay, yet she disciplines herself not to perceive him by projecting “stereotype of homosexual negative image.” But instead, she learns to perceive and accept him as “a person,” encourage him to accept him as he is, and develop his courage to be an open gay. She suffers through a feeling of loss, her beloved while feeling happy for him of his emancipation. PLOT can be for transgender, too.

“One Thousand and one night tales”

PLOT: Original “the Thousand and one Nights” is for children. This one is for adults. The man who has some sexual problem (such as premature ejaculation, erection problem, whatever) has to change his wife (girlfriend) frequently. The woman who loves him sucks him into her imagination of love-making one night after another. One night she fantasizes that she is a flower, peony, which layers of pedals tightly cover its pistil. It is her love to let him unlay the pedals by one stroke by another to reach its pistil, which is the symbol of her chastity, bashfulness. 

Another night, she fantasizes that she is a girl on the farm. She was working in the barn, where she ended up being raped by the worker. Another night, she is a sex slave. For survival, she has to submit herself to the captor. 

So on & so on. Being captivated by the expression on her face, wanting to pursue what is in her feeling, her mind, he will be drowned into her body, forgetting about his problem. Finally, he establishes his mentality to engage in sex activities communicating with her feelings instead of worrying about his potent. 

This is the challenge to the prevailing contemporary tendency to rely on external stimulus, pills, and other stimulants to pursue satisfaction in sex. 

Lastly, please let the world know your annual (or in advance) schedule of all performances. We can plan to visit and see your performances around the world. Please set up your website where we can contact you and your company representative.

Thank you for coming to Los Angeles. Wish you good health!

Toshiko Honda

My Stance on Homosexuality & Support to maintain a wholesome personality

March 4, 2015

To: Participants of Petit Oasis Foundation Scholarship
Subject: My stance on Homosexuality & Support to maintain a wholesome personality

The poem I wrote a decade ago will symbolize my stance as follows:

Welcome to my Kingdom of Light

Welcome to my Kingdom of Light
Where
      We accept ourselves as we are
Which pave the road
      To accept others as they are
                  Beyond Race, 
                           Beyond Belief,
                                   Beyond Preference

Welcome to the Freedom of Choice
Where
       You are entitled to prefer Apple over Orange
If someone expects you to like Orange,
     it’s her problem, not yours
          No judgmental
               A little tear, A little cry,
                     She will learn to appreciate you as a person

Come unto the land of the future
Where
       We are OK as we are
              so long as we don’t step into the boundary of others
                   Cherry blossoms will bloom in Red in the midst of the winter
                          Way ahead of the rest of the world
Welcome to my Kingdom of Light

I started Petit Oasis Foundation Scholarship based on my humanistic point of view. The meaning of life is to pursue what one wants to do and realize one’s own full-fledged potential. By the same token, I would express my humanistic stance to support and protect youth who happen to become aware that they are homosexual. Petit Oasis had its ninth annual audition this year. Each year I appreciate and admire boys in both younger and older classes who exhibit beauty and sincere enthusiasm in ballet. I always feel that I must protect their innocent souls not to be harmed in vain. Among participants over years, it is probable to assume that there might be some who may find themselves as homosexual. Some of them could be a member of a minority race or ethnic group, and may face triple stigma for being a dancer, a minority, and a homosexual. I hope sincerely that I can help to cultivate and maintain solid self-esteem, which is essential for a wholesome personality to override adverse social stigma. I would like to share what I have learned in my life experience about how to maintain solid self-esteem. It is a most important matter to establish and maintain self-esteem for every one of us, more so for some whose identities are threatened by being profiled by prevailing negative stereotypes, stigma.

The legalization of rights for homosexuals has been progressing and social acceptance of homosexuals is following. Yet prejudice and intolerance still prevail, even in the most liberal societies. It is probable to assume that some of you might find yourself as homosexual. To be a dancer, homosexual and a member of a minority, some of you may have to face double to triple social stigma. I am very much concerned that young innocent souls may undergo unnecessary hardship. I would like to probe with you how to maintain a healthy wholesome personality in this ever so chaotic society.

How to protect yourself to maintain wholesome personality:

We all need to be approved by others to live in society. We learn first to be approved by parents, then teachers, peer groups and others. We naturally feel self-esteem by being approved by others. To live as a member of the society, we have to be approved and accepted by others for certain extent. Yet, if we let ourselves find our self-esteem, self-worth ONLY by approval of others, we end up having low self-esteem. Because some of others would look down or ridicule of you being a dancer and/or homosexual and/or minority. You may easily be hurt and in the worst case scenario you may incorporate the given negative image as yours. THAT is the most detrimental. When others show scorn overtly or subtly, you may feel anger which most of time you cannot express because such derogatory comments and/or expressions are usually delivered subtly and or half jokingly or teasingly. You may become defensive, react superficially nice, or precisely ingratiate offenders in attempt to avoid further harassment, and/or being alienated. The worst reaction you might have is to do the same things to others unrelated to get even, scorn other races or ethnic groups or any category, only to degrade yourself to the same level of the offenders. As I have given in the examples above, if you let your self-esteem be at the mercy of others’ approval, you end up having low self-esteem. You must cultivate your self-esteem by developing yourself to be approved by yourself.

To maintain healthy self-esteem, self-love, you must build up yourself to be approved by yourself, not by others. To be able to do that, you have to be sure who you are, what you know, what you believe, and what you do. The common denominator, factor, to all this process is what is real, true to ME.

  1. Examine all your values and knowledge if they are real, true to you. Pick up real and true values and knowledge and incorporate them into your mentality. Throw away what you consider as having no merit.

For instance, you ask yourself, ‘Is being a dancer bad?’ No. It is not bad. It may not be popular as being a doctor or a computer technician, but it is what I want to do. It does promote enjoyment of life for general people. To be a dancer is good to me. ‘Is being a Muslim bad?’ No. Some terrorists are Muslim, but the tendency of society to blame Muslims for terrorism is wrong. I am not a terrorist. I am a good Muslim. ‘Is being black bad?’ No. The stereotype of black people may be bad, but I am not a replica of a stereotype. I am good. “Is homosexuality bad?’ No. It may deviate from the majority (heterosexuality), but it is not abnormal or sinful. I am a normal person. Sexual orientation is the most crucial factor to establish intimate human relation, which all of human beings are entitled to have. I must not deny what I like. I am proud to be what I am. First you must recognize the truth and own what you truly are.

  1. Incorporate knowledge and values (which you perceive as true and real) into your mentality by three steps combining: Knowing, Believing, and Practicing.

You don’t want to be prejudiced. 1) Knowing ‘prejudice is bad,’ 2) Believing it, 3) Practicing it (refrain from being prejudiced against others). If you keep consistency in what you know, what you believe (feel) and what you do (practice), then the knowledge becomes incorporated in your system and become true knowledge in you. That means not to be prejudiced is normal and pleasurable. Being able to feel that way, your self-esteem goes up and you feel, “I am a good person.” You will feel good and be able to practice good values. This is the most important value and practice to protect your self-esteem. Since you no longer hold value of profiling certain people, your self-esteem does not get seriously harmed when others may show or act prejudiced against you. You may feel unpleasant as if you got a splash of dirty water, which you can wipe off, but it never penetrate or stubs your self-esteem because you don’t have that value in your system. However, if you are practicing prejudicial projection of stereotypes on others, instead of perceiving others as individuals, you have the internalized value, ‘to judge people by stereotypes is OK.’ Therefore, when others unjustly scorn you, you get hurt seriously because you believe in the stereotype mentality.
If you do not act prejudiced against others or precisely constantly discipline yourself not to practice prejudice, first naturally you will feel good about yourself for being good (high self-esteem). Second, you won’t get hurt when others are prejudiced against you because you know you are at a higher level than those who feel good by despising others unjustly.

There are many values we can incorporate into our system. For instance such as the Ten Commandments: ‘Thou shall not kill; Thou shall not steal.’ Ask yourself, ‘Do I like to kill?’ I am sure most of us would realize that we think, ‘I like not to kill; I like not to steal.’ Since you establish yourself to be approved by yourself, you would like to incorporate good values into your system. I like being honest. I like being fair. I like working hard. Or I like taking it easy. Whatever the value you feel true and good you can incorporate into your system by three steps, knowing it good, believing it good, practicing/doing it good. Since you establish yourself to be approved by you, you know very well you are good, wonderful. If you regulate your behaviors by being approved by others, you can sabotage yourself if others are not looking or noticing. You may say and do good things superficially. But being approved by you is very strict. It is equivalent to being approved by God. Lying, hiding are not possible. To the extent higher values are incorporated in you, your self-esteem is bound to be higher. Your self-esteem will grow accordingly. Being able to feel, “I am good, great,” your ego would not be disturbed even if you were showered by stereotypical scorns.
Ideally it is healthy to admit and be open about your sexual orientation simply because you are true and real and nothing is wrong with you. But you have to weigh the climate of your given outer world. How far you can open up is up to your discretion and responsibility to deal with the outcome. The higher the self-esteem, the more open one can be. The more open one can be, the more one’s ego expands—and one can be stronger and healthy.

  1. When people project stereotypes onto their target, they want to see what they expect to see. They have the need to look down on some (justified by stereotypes) to feel superior because they have an inherent inferiority complex someway or another. They may be persistent to provoke you in their attempt to confirm the validity of the stereotype to which they subscribe. If you react to that by being angry or being humiliated, it will confirm the validity of the stereotype. The most effective retaliation would be that you just stick to your own self-esteem and never react to them as they expect. This is the technique of separating your own world from that of others. While maintaining your own world, let that of the others be.
  2. Use negative feeling as the fuel to generate positive feeling: I am sure most of you already know and practice this mechanism. I am sure you had at least once experience that someone teased you for studying ballet. You may have felt anger being humiliated. Instead of punching the nose of the offender, you would have chosen to intensify your practice of pirouettes, burning up that angry feeling. Becoming a more competent dancer, you would not feel anger any more. With your self-esteem, ‘I am a good person,’ this process is possible. The higher the self-esteem, the more positive achievement will be realized, and the process will heighten your self-esteem more.

Use the negative feeling as fuel to generate the positive feeling: This technique will be useful in many ways to cultivate a wholesome personality for any one of us, more so for those who have a lot of negative feelings generated.

© 1963-2025 Toshiko Honda