He does not wear nose rings nor earrings. He does not graffiti on his skin. He does not enjoy obnoxious noise riding a bike. He is not a manipulator. He is not intrusive. He respects his feelings. He respects other’s feelings. He never smells bad - I wonder if he ever smells - He is not aggressive - That stirs up Mother-hen instinct – He is beautiful - That inspires me to create poems -
his 43 years Birthday 7/24/2021
What is a friend?
You call me your friend. I call you my friend.
While we have abundant uncommonness,
Such as what each of us can contribute to the other
Such as being birds of NOT having the same feather,
Yet, we flock!
Wonder what a friend is……….
Accepting the other as a person, as he is, as she is
Sometimes, even suffer through for hoping the well-being of the other
The weaving of the most challenging task in our life
One has to be independent to be able to do so.
What is the family? Sharing the common blood; Living together
True friends are the family members sharing the common value,
Accept the other as he is, as she is.
04/11/2021
Why sounds so lively the streaming music from Pandora?
which I have been accustomed to
Perhaps the whiteness of phalaenopsis is dazzling my eyes,
which you have given me
Why is awaking my left toe?
which has been sleeping by the stroke
Because you touched it with your hands,
instructing me to exercise.
I am 81 years old woman; you are half of my age
I recount the time when you were born, 1978.
At that time, I was still exploring;
no way was ready to have a baby.
Here I am sipping a moment of luxury,
being with you, age of could-be my son.
I imagine how happy your mother had given you birth
Envy and Thankful
for James 11/4/2020
Prelude I recall an episode: A prisoner had spent 20 years in solitary confinement without boredom by remembering a 5-minute good memory over and over repeatedly. When I step out to my garden, a lizard run across in front of me I recall that you said, “Gecko!” more than several times whenever they ran in front of us while we were strolling the garden I have gotten the new vocabulary! Whenever I walk the path curving around the patio The fragrance of Plumeria always remind me While I was asking how your family reunion was You mention your mother “She is very independent,--- like you.”, saying so, you look at my face over your shoulder, while walking one step ahead of me. I was casting my eyes, with a 50-degree angle, on the walkway. I just responded with a smile without looking at you “She likes plants,--- like you.”, again, you looked at my face. I kept casting my eyes on the pathway with a silent smile. I was feeling flattered to be likened with your mother, breathing the fragrance of Plumeria and happy feeling. Hindsight, you would have expected me to respond “Thank you for saying that,” following your standard of social grace. You took me out for dinner. I wore a simple fitting nit dress which perfectly revealed my beautiful contour, though my face has never been beautiful at any cultural standard. You put around your arm around my waist casually. When we stepped out my front door, You offered me your left arm. Momentary, I was puzzled. You raised your arm slightly. Finally, I got the message and wrapped my right hand around your arm. Gazing down the pastel ocean view, we stepped down front poach Leaning my head toward your shoulder, I breathed the moment of happiness while descending several steps to your car, which would not exist the next day. The happiness of just one day.
for James 8/15/2015
While taking ballet class, casually I look up at the glass panels of the observation room where once you waved me your hand timely when I looked up I always recall that moment of joy I took the next class, too, to be with you While taking ballet class, By chance, I glance at the glass panels of the observation room I find myself imagining your silhouette, recalling the moment of joy at that time While taking ballet class, Occasionally I look up the glass panels of the observation room I know I will never see you there anymore But that precious moment is mine forever
for James 9/6/2014
All year long, a sweet fragrance fills in my garden Roses bloom one after another all the time In spring, the delicate fragrance of wisteria play on the breeze In summer, plumeria fill the walkways with sweet fragrance In the night, “Beauty under the moon” dominates darkness with a seductive scent With all these fragrances, yet could they compete with that in your dancing? All-day long singing of birds accentuate the quiet air At night singing of insects harmonize with that of frog Owls troll from different trees Ocean waves echo against the back-drop, a range of mountains. With all these sounds, yet could they compete with the singing in your movement? In red, white, and pink, the spread of bougainvillea bark at the baking California sun, cascading privacy over neighboring walls The purple flower of Jacaranda and Princess Flower play with the ocean breeze. Gazing down the sweeping ocean melting into the sky of an impressionist’s brushing Gazing up the undisturbed mountains over the back gardens With all these beauties, yet could I miss anything? My living room is the ballet studio, 20x20, with a big mirror Surrounded by pictures of my favorite dancers in the last two decades Yours are among them, too The adjacent patio has a similar space I intend to have an impromptu dance party, with random music Yes, I wish you were here!
for James August 17, 2014
Note: “Beauty under the moon” is the literal translation of the Japanese common name for Dutchman’s Pipe cactus.
Shadow of gloom in his eyes
Irritation run through a moment of frown
I feel an impulse to clear them off
Is it mother instinct which I never had a chance to exercise?
Or is he my taste?
I would dive into the floor only if I could wipe them off
The last man I loved was 10 years older
A decade later, I started to develop interest in younger men, the son’s generation
Two decades later, now I am in love with a young man,
close to the grand-son generation
It doesn’t matter whether I have him or not
What’s important is "I am feeling of liking"
And, I wish his happiness
To have sex, to live together
I don’t need the ordinary life
Because I don’t necessarily dislike solitude or am afraid of it
Besides, now is my "hey day" of discretion
The "liking" feeling will amplify my energy
I became old while unfinished tasks still piled up
To my old being,
I want nothing but the amplification of energy
"LOVE" is what? I wonder
I love someone who gives me what I want
Just like a baby loves a mother, who is necessary for his survival
I don’t need this so-called social life
I don’t need to impress others
I have enough mental treasures
I have enough money
At this old age, all I need is an enhancement of my energy
When I encounter something beautiful,
I get energy
When I am deprived of it, I get hurt.
Then, I would reverse the negative feeling into positive energy like a hybrid car
Above all, I appreciate that I still have tender feelings
to appreciate beautiful things,
and I have found something as beautiful as its absence causes me sorrow
for James 8/19/2013
March 18, 2013
Re: My proposal to commission you to choreograph for yourself to dance
Dear James,
I miss you very much. It has been almost one year since I spotted you at Nader’s class. Time flies as quick as dancers’ life would fly.
I would like to propose to commission you to choreograph for yourself to dance. I would like to be provided the performance in the form of DVD. If you allow me, I would like to share the copies of the DVD with some of promising participants for the audition of Petit Oasis Foundation. I will pay all the cost including the compensation to you.
The theme is something like; “James Ady, Now”, “Now or Never” and “It’s Me!”.
You would name the title.
I prefer the solo, but you feel like adding a partner (male or female), that will be fine.
From music, lighting, stage, costumes, shooting and others must be chosen by you.
This, I hope, would give you a new perspective in you and your dancing. When you were dancing in the ballet companies, they decided what role you would dance and directed you what and how should be interpreted and expressed. Within that frame, you could express yourself. Now it would be a good chance to prove in yourself; “Who am I?”, “What I want?”, “What I want to express”, “Get in touch with your inner world, urge, cry, shout, etc.”. I will accept you as you are unconditionally.
I accept and support you what path you choose. I think you are wise to secure your secure income source. I am sure that my proposal can be realized while you are being competent with your current position with the Hotel.
Time is essence. My infatuation would last as long as your dancing life last.
Please consider my proposal. Let me know how you feel. If you accept my proposal,
please prepare the approximate itemized estimate and send it to me or we can meet and discuss.
You can be assured that the above proposal is genuine and no string is attached as exemplified by the history of previous numerous generous conducts. If you prefer you bring your friend, your partner or your girlfriend when we discuss the proposal.
Whenever I do some generous offer to one person, almost always I get a sort of pressure, “Why not Me.” from others. I am OK. I get used to it. However, I don’t want to cause you any trouble. You may have more opportunities in Westside Ballet and others. Wise. Do not tell about this proposal to anyone who might potentially spread it.
I will go to Japan on the 4th of April. I will be back on the 14th accompanying my brother and his wife. I will be attending them until 25th of April, they will depart.
Whatever your response is welcome as long as your decision will promote your satisfaction.
Affectionately,
Tosh Honda
With the sharpness of the razor-blade,
you have carved the beauty of your dancing
With the same sharpness
You abandoned your dancing
which was slightly eclipsed by injury
With the same sharpness,
The double-edged sword thrust my heart
through the mist of blood splash,
I vision the image of your dancing
Shall I plug the wound to stop bleeding?
No. Let it flow!
It will transform to be a Libido-flow
The wound gets soar, smarted by beautiful music.
Shall I pacify the wound?
No. Let it suffer! It will magnify the energy-flow
for James 3/18/2013
The stunning male dancer, who was said to have retired from Pennsylvania, was to substitute our regular teacher. Great! After the first round demonstration, he started walking around the students continuing the second round. Looking at each student, he gave his corrections; he pointed his finger toward my lower belly when he came to my side. I nodded, yes, while facing the front without saying a word. I know the protruding lower abdomen is the first offense of 10 commandments in the Ballet culture. He pushed up my elbow slightly. Again, I nodded without words. Can I ignore his advice, saying, “I have been away from a sex life for 20 years; I cannot help.”? He kindly advised me, expecting that I still have room to improve without giving me up as an older woman. No, I cannot. I cannot help but say, “OK. I will try to improve.” without words.
Just tucking in the belly is too much restraining; it gets loose soon. I have to tuck in my butt. I have to lift the rib cage. I have to straighten my neck. By stretching the toes, the whole parts of the body were uniformly aligned. Put it in the other way round, by stretching all toes, the lower belly gets tacked in, the rib-cage gets lifted with the stomach as well. But just as soon as stopping making a conscious effort to stretch all toes, everything resumes the previous condition. Isn’t there any good idea? Flashed the Ballet scene [Bayadere]; two women, Nikiya and Gamzatti, fight for a man, Solor. Gamzatti presses Nikiya toward the right side of the stage. By gesture, she says, “What are you, just a temple dancer. I am a daughter of the King, and all this palace is mine. Solor is going to marry me.” Then, Nikiya presses back Gamzatti gesturing, “Solor pledged his love to me in front of the holy fire. He is mine.” Gamzatti slaps Nikiya on her cheek. Over one man, two women unfold the ultimate women’s fight. Through this locomotion, audiences see beautiful side figures of two women, especially their flat lower abdomen. That’s right. To maintain the flat tummy is the qualification of the titleholder for the ultimate women’s fight. Even if you are an older woman, you must be the titleholder for the ultimate women’s fight.
OK. I talked to myself, the manager of myself. “Somehow, I would like to create the flat tummy.” Then, the self-maintenance manager replied, [How old are you?] “I am 74.” [That is correct. There is no chance for you to have an ultimate fight over a man.] “I understand. Yes, 99% no chance. Even no chance, yet I want to prepare.” [ Why do you cling to 1 %?] “Because I would never lose for one aspect, though I may be defeated for the rest. I would never be beaten for having the high feeling level.” [Even so, a man would not be interested in an old woman.] “That’s OK. Please try to find the ways.” [ No. First of all, to create a flat tummy, you need a lot of energy. First, you have to discard excess fat, flesh, and water. Even for that, you need a lot of energy. The most challenging task is to create the muscles to maintain the flat tummy. For your old body, it is very difficult to develop new muscles.] “By all means.” [I do not take any responsibility. You may be taking a risk to fail your health.] “By all means.” [If you say to that extent, I will manage it somehow.”
After my self-maintenance manager consented to me, I was prone to have diarrhea. Maybe because I felt cold around my abdomen. Maybe I ate a little bit over. Maybe I ate oily things. It was not the kind of diarrhea, which gave me cramp, nor nausea. It was a kind of just-go-throwing-excess-calorie. I lost 10 pounds within a year. Feeling easier to dance and stretch, I gradually developed lower abdomen muscles and formed the flat tammy. I expected that that former principal dancer would compliment my flat tammy when he would substitute the class again. At least he would not point out my lower abdomen as protruded. Being encouraged by that expectation, I had steadily developed the building of my flat tammy.
On or about March 18, 2013, I gave the proposal letter to that dancer. What? Propose? No, not that kind. I wanted him to choreograph for himself and produce a DVD out of his dancing. I will pay for all the costs. Up until then, he had danced what the company decided as they wanted. At this point, he may have a new perspective if he dances as he wants for himself. The proposal was with that kind of content. Since then, I have never heard from him. In August, I heard from his friend that he went to Memphis Ballet as Ballet Master. I was relieved; first, he found the position related to Ballet. He had been working for some business up to then. I understood that he missed works related ballet field. I was so happy that he found the position he wanted. Secondly, I was glad that he went to the place far away. If he is closer and meets frequently, the probability of disillusion is higher. Keeping the distance, he would remain the idol for a long time. Instantly I sent a donation check of $1,000.00 to Memphis Ballet, attention to him. That was my wish that the company would take good care of him. He responded to me with joy that the very first mail received at the company was from me.
It was my great joy that I could help my favorite dancer to succeed in his favorite field. He replied that he declined my proposal to make his video; it had been eight years since he retired, he did not wish to produce video, but he wanted to work for Ballet because he is competent in the field. I understood that his value is that he did not want to perform after his peak. He did not have value; he would dance because he wanted to dance regardless of how others would evaluate him. He did not have a value, “I want to do what I want to do. I don’t care what others think.” But that is his will. I have to respect his choice. Since we were far apart away, we exchanged emails once in a while. That was good enough to generate my energy.
It took about one year to shed some fat, water, and flesh and shape up the flat abdomen. Following year, I developed the muscle to maintain the flat tammy. Yet, I did not even try to find the man, though I was ready for the ultimate woman’s fight. I was contented that I could control myself as I wanted. After that, as long as I keep up a ten-time sit-up every night before going to bed, I will be able to keep my flat-tammy. Hopefully, I can maintain it until I become ash.
2013 Winter
Dear James,
Once in a while, I am inspired to create poems. I cannot intend to create them. I adore many famous male and female dancers. I have gone to Europe, New York and Japan just to see their performances. That does not mean that I had been inspired to write poems to them. No. It just comes out like catching cold.
Anyway, I am thankful to have this urge to write poem again. I visited Pennsylvania Ballet Web and you-tube. I did not succeed to see your dancing. Please let me know if I can view you dancing in DVD or live in the future.
I hope that your injury will be cured and get on the stage again.
Very sincerely,
July 13, 2012
Fragrance, I see in your dance
Singing, I hear in your movements
Beautiful line!
I proved where they are from--------
I see a Straight axis thrust right through from your head to your toes
From where your being streams out to radiate your dancing
smoothly without bumping into any lumps
Refined pureness!
Not restraining of not to do this and that
Rather elimination of redundancy in your physique, movements, and inner voices
to reach almost transparent your being
where emerge is the art, virtuoso, that’s what people call
I call it fragrance in your dance
Singing in your movements
for James 7/13/2012