The stunning male dancer, who was said to have retired from Pennsylvania, was to substitute our regular teacher. Great! After the first round demonstration, he started walking around the students continuing the second round. Looking at each student, he gave his corrections; he pointed his finger toward my lower belly when he came to my side. I nodded, yes, while facing the front without saying a word. I know the protruding lower abdomen is the first offense of 10 commandments in the Ballet culture. He pushed up my elbow slightly. Again, I nodded without words. Can I ignore his advice, saying, “I have been away from a sex life for 20 years; I cannot help.”? He kindly advised me, expecting that I still have room to improve without giving me up as an older woman. No, I cannot. I cannot help but say, “OK. I will try to improve.” without words.
Just tucking in the belly is too much restraining; it gets loose soon. I have to tuck in my butt. I have to lift the rib cage. I have to straighten my neck. By stretching the toes, the whole parts of the body were uniformly aligned. Put it in the other way round, by stretching all toes, the lower belly gets tacked in, the rib-cage gets lifted with the stomach as well. But just as soon as stopping making a conscious effort to stretch all toes, everything resumes the previous condition. Isn’t there any good idea? Flashed the Ballet scene [Bayadere]; two women, Nikiya and Gamzatti, fight for a man, Solor. Gamzatti presses Nikiya toward the right side of the stage. By gesture, she says, “What are you, just a temple dancer. I am a daughter of the King, and all this palace is mine. Solor is going to marry me.” Then, Nikiya presses back Gamzatti gesturing, “Solor pledged his love to me in front of the holy fire. He is mine.” Gamzatti slaps Nikiya on her cheek. Over one man, two women unfold the ultimate women’s fight. Through this locomotion, audiences see beautiful side figures of two women, especially their flat lower abdomen. That’s right. To maintain the flat tummy is the qualification of the titleholder for the ultimate women’s fight. Even if you are an older woman, you must be the titleholder for the ultimate women’s fight.
OK. I talked to myself, the manager of myself. “Somehow, I would like to create the flat tummy.” Then, the self-maintenance manager replied, [How old are you?] “I am 74.” [That is correct. There is no chance for you to have an ultimate fight over a man.] “I understand. Yes, 99% no chance. Even no chance, yet I want to prepare.” [ Why do you cling to 1 %?] “Because I would never lose for one aspect, though I may be defeated for the rest. I would never be beaten for having the high feeling level.” [Even so, a man would not be interested in an old woman.] “That’s OK. Please try to find the ways.” [ No. First of all, to create a flat tummy, you need a lot of energy. First, you have to discard excess fat, flesh, and water. Even for that, you need a lot of energy. The most challenging task is to create the muscles to maintain the flat tummy. For your old body, it is very difficult to develop new muscles.] “By all means.” [I do not take any responsibility. You may be taking a risk to fail your health.] “By all means.” [If you say to that extent, I will manage it somehow.”
After my self-maintenance manager consented to me, I was prone to have diarrhea. Maybe because I felt cold around my abdomen. Maybe I ate a little bit over. Maybe I ate oily things. It was not the kind of diarrhea, which gave me cramp, nor nausea. It was a kind of just-go-throwing-excess-calorie. I lost 10 pounds within a year. Feeling easier to dance and stretch, I gradually developed lower abdomen muscles and formed the flat tammy. I expected that that former principal dancer would compliment my flat tammy when he would substitute the class again. At least he would not point out my lower abdomen as protruded. Being encouraged by that expectation, I had steadily developed the building of my flat tammy.
On or about March 18, 2013, I gave the proposal letter to that dancer. What? Propose? No, not that kind. I wanted him to choreograph for himself and produce a DVD out of his dancing. I will pay for all the costs. Up until then, he had danced what the company decided as they wanted. At this point, he may have a new perspective if he dances as he wants for himself. The proposal was with that kind of content. Since then, I have never heard from him. In August, I heard from his friend that he went to Memphis Ballet as Ballet Master. I was relieved; first, he found the position related to Ballet. He had been working for some business up to then. I understood that he missed works related ballet field. I was so happy that he found the position he wanted. Secondly, I was glad that he went to the place far away. If he is closer and meets frequently, the probability of disillusion is higher. Keeping the distance, he would remain the idol for a long time. Instantly I sent a donation check of $1,000.00 to Memphis Ballet, attention to him. That was my wish that the company would take good care of him. He responded to me with joy that the very first mail received at the company was from me.
It was my great joy that I could help my favorite dancer to succeed in his favorite field. He replied that he declined my proposal to make his video; it had been eight years since he retired, he did not wish to produce video, but he wanted to work for Ballet because he is competent in the field. I understood that his value is that he did not want to perform after his peak. He did not have value; he would dance because he wanted to dance regardless of how others would evaluate him. He did not have a value, “I want to do what I want to do. I don’t care what others think.” But that is his will. I have to respect his choice. Since we were far apart away, we exchanged emails once in a while. That was good enough to generate my energy.
It took about one year to shed some fat, water, and flesh and shape up the flat abdomen. Following year, I developed the muscle to maintain the flat tammy. Yet, I did not even try to find the man, though I was ready for the ultimate woman’s fight. I was contented that I could control myself as I wanted. After that, as long as I keep up a ten-time sit-up every night before going to bed, I will be able to keep my flat-tammy. Hopefully, I can maintain it until I become ash.
2013 Winter