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HALF CENTURY IN AMERICA

I have been choosing harder ways all my life…

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    • 'It's me!' – Self-publishing 1988
      • – About Me
      • 1. Poems Written in Japan 1963-1965
      • 2. Poems Written as a Fresh off the Boat 1966-1970
      • 3. Poems presented to Dr. Schneider 1970-1979
      • 4. Poems Written during a Transitional Stage and after my "Schneider" Stage 1975-1987
      • 5. TANKA (Poems in 31 Japanese syllables) 1965-1987
      • 6. Words for Songs 1966-1968

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  • American Life
  • ballet
  • Homosexuaality
  • Love
  • My Philosophy
  • My value

4. Poems Written during a Transitional Stage and after my "Schneider" Stage 1975-1987

  • THE HERO OF 20 CENTURIES
  • AN IMPRESSION OF YOU
  • A PRECIOUS LOVE
  • SEXUALITY IS LIFE
  • America, AMERICA
  • DIALOGUE ON THE FIRST DAY OF INTEGRATION
  • THE MOMENT WITH YOU
  • AWAKENING
  • MY MIRROR
  • NOW

THE HERO OF 20 CENTURIES

To Ralph Nader

After the God died,
darkness has yet conquered the world,
being prevented by the gleam of your eyes,
which promise the beauty of stars
beyond the mist of pollution.

After the God died,
hopelessness has yet captured human beings,
being prevented by the echoes of your voice,
which awaken human conscience,
“A human being can offer his love
without depending on an illusion of the God.”

After the God died,
the world may be as bright as ever,
being saved by the Hero of 20 Centuries
who may be remembered by the history of mankind
as long as it exists.

2/10/75

AN IMPRESSION OF YOU

For a momentary encounter,
how many times did I melt in your eyes.
I only remember,
“Your eyes are so clear…”

In a momentary encounter,
how many times did I touch your eyes,
“Even the dirty air in New York could not stain
your eyes…”
Why didn’t I say so, at that time.

During a momentary encounter,
how many times did you attract me with your smile.
“May not the pollution in Tokyo stain your eyes…”
Why didn’t I pray for you, at that time.

11/25/75

A PRECIOUS LOVE

It is so precious that
let’s keep it secret.

I don’t want it to be spoiled
  by letting it be exposed carelessly.
I am afraid of being thwarted by meanies.
So, I want to keep it in my heart.

Throbs of my secret run through my body,
and try to engross all my thoughts.

But,
let’s keep it secret.
For, the secret of my precious love
  is the fountain of my life.

11/25/1975

SEXUALITY IS LIFE

After a long abstinence, I am doing sex.
To your caress,
   my breast starts talking in its own language.
Asserting its own will.
   my sexuality starts talking to you in its own words.
Being awakened,
   each part of my body starts communicating,
just like young leaves in May responding to a breeze.
While I am listening to my whole body talking.
I am convinced, “I am alive.”

1976

America, AMERICA

“MOM, WHAT IS AMERICA?”
“My love, it’s your country, a big country.”
“BIG, YOU MEAN, AS GIGANTIC AS THE OCEAN?”
“Right.  Indeed, America is like an ocean.”
“THEN, MOM, AMERICANS ARE FISHES!”
“What an interesting idea you have.
 Indeed, there are many kinds of Americans just as many as there are kinds of fishes in the ocean.
     Fishes with white scales,
     fishes with black scales,
     fishes with yellow scales.
     Each kind lives with its own group.”
“BUT, MOM, IF A FISH WITH WHITE SCALES MARRIED A FISH WITH BLACK SCALES, 
 A BABY WITH BLACK AND WHITE SCALES WOULD BE BORN, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN!”
“Well, it may belong to either group, or both or neither. 
 But it may FEEL uncomfortable to really belong to any one group.”
“THEN IF A BUNCH OF FISHES WITH MIXED SCALES WERE BORN, 
THEY COULD MAKE THEIR OWN GROUP IN WHICH THEY FEEL COMFORTABLE.”
“My son, you are sweet.”

“MOM, REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT TO THE BEACH?’
THE COLD WATER AND WARM WATER WERE NEXT TO EACH OTHER.  
WE COULD NOT SEE IT, BUT WE COULD FEEL IT ON OUR SKIN.”
“Yes, my love.  And you tried to mix the waters with your little feet,
 like you stir the water in a bathtub.”
“AND, RIGHT AFTER THAT,
 AGAIN THE COLD WATER AND WARM WATER WERE NEXT TO EACH OTHER, 
AND YOU SAID, ‘Even the water, the most flexible thing, takes a long time to mix.’ “

“And my son, you said, ‘MOM, THE COLD WATER SHOULD GET WARM ITSELF.’ “
“MOM, THERE ARE CURRENTS IN THE OCEAN NAMED AMERICA.”
“That’s right.  Where a group of fishes lives, a current starts. 
 Yet, some fishes swim away to the another current.”
“AND THOSE FISHES CAN MAKE FRIENDS AND BE HAPPY IN ANOTHER CURRENT?”
“Well, yes, some can.  But, some can’t.  Some may miss friends of the same scales
 and may return to the old place.”
“WHY DO THEY MISS FRIENDS WITH SIMILAR SCALES?”
“My son, I don’t know well.
 They may feel comfortable in the commonness of having the same scales.”
“MOM, I’VE GOT A GOOD IDEA.  WHY DON’T WE MAKE ARTIFICIAL SCALES TO PUT ON,
 SO WE CAN BE THE SAME EVEN THOUGH OUR NATURAL SCALES ARE DIFFERENT.”
“That’s what people have been doing.  No matter how long the artificial scales cover up the real ones, 
the real ones reveal themselves eventually.”
                                                                  
“MOTHER, I’VE GOT A GOOD IDEA.
 FISHES MAY HAVE TO DEPEND ON SCALES TO FIND COMMONNESS.
 BUT, WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS. WE DON’T HAVE TO DEPEND ON PHYSICAL COMMONNESS.  WE CAN DEPEND ON COMMONNESS IN HUMANITY, SOMETHING IN OURSELVES:  
 TRUTH, VIRTUE, AND LOVE.”
“What wisdom you have, my son. Whatever scales you were born with, my love, swim boldly across the ocean of America.  
Remember, America is your country.”  

1978

DIALOGUE ON THE FIRST DAY OF INTEGRATION

“MOTHER, WHY DO I HAVE TO GET ON THIS BUS AND GO TO A SCHOOL FAR AWAY?”
“To mingle with children with different scales. To learn to be friendly with them.”
“IF THE CHILDREN WITH DIFFERENT SCALES WERE MEAN TO ME, HOW IN THE WORLD AM I GOING TO LERN TO BE FRIENDLY WITH THEM? I WOULD END UP HATING THEM MORE THAN BEFORE IF I HAD NO CONTACT WITH THEM.”
“That’s right, my son. If the knowledge that comes from direct experience is important, it is better to end up hating them out of direct contact than to like them without associating with them.”
“MOTHER, DON’T YOU CARE WHETHER I GET TEASED BY MEAN CHILDREN OF DIFFERENT SCALES, OR BEATEN BY THEM?”
“My son, I do care. But, a law puts you on the bus. I can’t do anything for that. I don’t believe in sending you to a private school, which I can’t afford anyway; you know that…”
“THEN, MOTHER, I JUST HAVE TO GET ON THIS BUS…”
“My love, one thing I can do for you. I’ll give you some magic advice. I want you to look for something good, all the time.”
“While you are riding a bus, you may happen to see something interesting out of the window. When you face a schoolmate, he or she may become your good friend. You may find something interesting in the new school. Your teachers may be wonderful persons.”
“BUT, WHAT IF MY EXPECTATIONS WERE ALL DISAPPOINTED?”
“You will be hurt. But if you expect something good, it’ll probably come true. So even if your expectations may have betrayed you yesterday, I still want you to keep expecting something nice in the next moment. As much as you can.”
“OK. MOM, I’LL TRY.”
“Good luck, mu love…bring me good news.”

8/22/1978

THE MOMENT WITH YOU

My love,
“The moment with you may continue to tomorrow…”
Oh, no! I don’t have such an outrageous wish or desire.
That’s why I live a moment with you as much as I can.

As I melt into the splendor of evening glow,
  which vanishes in the next moment,
As I cherish the beauty of today’s flower,
  which fades away tomorrow,
I enjoy you fully, now.

After the moment with you,
“I have nothing to regret left in my life.”
Even I said that,
my love,
please don’t laugh at me.

1984

AWAKENING

Awake, suddenly, in the dawn.
The sex-drive nags.
I want to be in your arms.
It has to be your skin
  which is the same as mine
  which melts into mine.

You, Bastard!
You awakened me and left me…
Incessant sound of waves
  wells up in frustration.
Tossing and turning in dim consciousness,
whitening dawn is felt unpleasantly.

1984

MY MIRROR

My Love
My Japan
My Mirror.

Through you,
I reflect myself,
   getting back to the very original myself.
Japanese Woman.

“Your face became sweet.”
“You became feminine.”
You have uttered more than several times.
It’s not only you who are surprised.
I, myself am your sympathizer.

My Dear Mirror,
please don’t get clouded.
If I no longer reflect myself beautifully on you,
I must leave you.

1984

NOW

Please give me yourself NOW.
I don’t care about YOU yesterday.
I don’t know YOU tomorrow.
I love you NOW, very much.

Please give me your NOW.
While the moment expands infinitely.
NOW, you are mine.
NOW, I melt into you.

Please accept my NOW.
Don’t hesitate, in your apprehension of tomorrow.
While the moment extends infinitely,
“Bon Appetite!”
Have me NOW.

1986

© 1963-2025 Toshiko Honda